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Subject:Autumnal Malaise
Time:12:59 pm
October has been challenging.

I've not really been myself since I moved to the new apartment, and that in itself is not really surprising.

But I'm settled in now, and the cyclical madness at work is beginning to subside, so theoretically I should be feeling better, shouldn't I? But I'm not, and I am even becoming un-okay in new and creative ways. What's with that?

Then it hit me today that I am not doing something new and crazy, but rather something old and familiar. If you've looked at the calendar, you might even have known this before I did.

Dan's birthday is Monday. The anniversay of his death is Halloween night. And even though I am feeling it more manageably this year and beginning the dread later in the month than in the past, it's here. It just snuck up on me. I suppose that is good. It is certainly better than the years where I watched it coming for more than a month, growing increasingly desperate that Dan was going to die all over again and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I'm grateful that it is no longer so toxically potent in my mind, and that I no longer become so unhinged and despairing.

So, I'm going to try to cut myself a little slack for feeling crappy, and for being antisocial. I'm going to try to realize that just because I feel awful, that doesn't necessarily mean there is a reason for it that I can act on. Sometimes it is just the time of year when I feel sad and alone, and it is okay to feel sad and alone, and there is no need to seek a cause for it in the people and activities and other components of my present life.

It's one of the seasons of me, and understanding that, I'm just going to try not to find people and things in my life to blame for my sorrow. Time passes, and so will this.
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efire360
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-10-22 06:19 pm (UTC)
I agree – we all hit rough spots. I know I have this year.
(Reply) (Thread)


skellington
Subject:Problem Solver Boy Strikes!
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-10-22 06:33 pm (UTC)
Silly question:

The new wife gets down starting about this time of the year. We're shopping around for a light box, to see if it is clinically SAD.

Could you also have something seasonal going on?

*HUG*
(Reply) (Thread)


beckycaret
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-10-22 07:18 pm (UTC)
i really have nothing to say other than:
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
(that means i love you a lot)
(Reply) (Thread)


rslatkin
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-10-22 08:00 pm (UTC)
Hug, sweetie.
(Reply) (Thread)


ihvpave
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-10-22 08:20 pm (UTC)
You should TOTALLY cut yourself some slack - there is no human being on earth who wouldn't have problems with this having lived through that night. Congratulations on not watching it on the horizon this year - that's a huge step, I know.

In the meantime, know you're well thought of and loved by many.
(Reply) (Thread)


radiantbaby
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-10-22 08:56 pm (UTC)
*lots of hugs*
(Reply) (Thread)


violet_flames
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-10-22 09:10 pm (UTC)
*hugs*

This happens to me around the anniversary of my Uncle's death as well. I don't think I've mentioned to you that I've always seen a similarity, because my Uncle also passed young, unexpectedly and from a heart attack.

I'm sorry you have to feel like this, but I'm glad you've figured out why and what to do about it.
(Reply) (Thread)


sweetnjewcy
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-10-22 09:11 pm (UTC)
Wanna Share A Challah?
(Reply) (Thread)


juliana_shines
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-10-23 05:52 pm (UTC)
I'll bring the honey
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)


wanderingastray
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-10-22 10:45 pm (UTC)
I feel like I've learned a lot more about you, today.
For what it's worth, as one of your newer friends, you carry no trace of a hurt this enormous when I see you in public. To know you now (and I admittedly don't very well, yet, but I'd like to) is to have no clue of this deep scar on your psyche. I never would have guessed in a million years that you'd experienced something so awful, which is to say that whatever it is you've done to walk through this has been working. You're a beautiful, interesting individual and I'm glad that I'm getting to know you. Thanks for including me, and I'm thinking of you.
(Reply) (Thread)


juliana_shines
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-10-23 05:49 pm (UTC)
agreed on the slack cutting.
yes I saw it comming, hence the lack of surprize about saturday.
a great deal of love and support sent your way.
(Reply) (Thread)


cathy_n
Link:(Link)
Time:2007-10-28 11:42 pm (UTC)
"Time passes, and so will this."

... best wishes to you until it does.
(Reply) (Thread)

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